ok so its been a few days and yes i have been very busy with work and getting things situated for christmas i jsut havent had time for ANYTHING!
BUT you will be happy to know this week was a fear concuring week and i did AWSOME!
i went to barrie (2hrs) on saturday enjoyed my stay and stayed quite a while!
then wednesday on my way to a meeting i desided to take the elevator (with open windows) and i did fine 4 FLOORS! and i took it back down and actually looks down the window to see the floor. and today was the big challenge... i went to the dentist and actually got needles and work done. two teeth pulled (one being a wisdom tooth) and three cavities filled... wow big week for me.. and let me tell you my mouth is KILLING me! ya right T3's do NOTHING!
sigh
well for the next week im on a room tempuature mush diet seeing as im not aloud ANYTHING else.. sad yes i will miss my food. so for lunch it was mash potatoes for dinner soup.. YAY!!! SO MUCH FUN!!!!
other then that i was suppose to be at work but clearly just got my face back to being able to FULLY smile! lol that was exciting!
anyways i hurt...

today was a weird day..
i went to the dentist... had a terrible experiance as always even though normal people would love it!
so i walked in lady met me took my info asked me to sit took my jacket and offered me coffee COFFEE!!!! COFFEE??? really me.... coffee???
ANYWAYS!!!!
i went back talked to some lady about mefical questions
then went to the room lady came in took some xrays then went to another room for a full xray...
THEN THEN!!! i got a hand parrafin lol at the dentist they put on regis and kelly and i waited for the dentist
then the dentist came in looked around and at my xrays and said ok.. you have "extreme" something or other.. that means im scared shitless!!!!
so he said we are going to sedate you... then pull two teeth and fill all your cavities AT ONCE!!!!
yep all at once and in January! im so scared!!! its the worst phobia that i have and now i have to do it at once.. this sucks and i have to be half knocked out.. my dad will be with me.. but its going to be the worst experiance EVER!!!!
ok i will deal with that when the time comes..
for now i will watch my show and stop thinking about it seeing as i havent stopped since i got home at 10am... im tired and i need sleep.. and tv.

wow
two in a row.. cant believe it well a part of me can but still!
im happy to say to say its been two very happy days!
tomorrow will be a stressful day but only because i will be heading to the dentist and well as we all know i have quiet the phobia of the dentist.. so fingers crossed i dont go bitting anyone. but for now i have a dog who its wagging her tail and yelling at me so i should go

so the night was good.
much to my surprise things werent forced or weird a few topics came up but left the table near immediately which was nice for a change.
we had an amazing dinner at a really nice restaurant where i swear i had a steak that could take your breath away. and he went all out allowing the works to flow which was once again unusual. for him.
but to my surprise it was nice.. i enjoyed myself very much went and saw a super funny movie!
it was nice to enjoy myself around him.
maybe im to hard
maybe im to hard on the whole situation its hard to say when there are good days.. the bad days are the ones that make it definite answer.. causing me to be more confused in the end.
but for tonight i will sleep knowing i had a good night. my orchid is beautiful which and tall.. lets hope i dont kill it. fingers cross for alot more then just the plant..

today is my 4 year anniversary with him..
last night we fought (nothing unusual about that) but its like we care less and less throughout the fights, its kinda sad some days to think we can walk away so easily.
but for today i want linger and worry as we are going for dinner and movie to celebrate... 4 years is a long time and we deserve a chance..
but is A chance enough?

oh how unusual in the middle of a fight again. his words hurt and i know i can be mean.. there are times i even try to be mean.... what am i suppose to do... im alone again.. he got sick of hearing me talk. nice eh? then he tried some smooth ass kissing that didnt work so then he gets mad again.. wow again i know. and walks away to another floor another house another county who cares anymore.. either way im here alone.. feeling more useless then ever.

so its been a few days but ive been busy (work school yuck yuck!)

so here i am jsut got out of bed.. my abs hurt cause sit ups suck THAT RIGHT ive kept my word!

every second day i go upstairs and spend an hour+ on the treadmill then after i do as many sit up as my stomach can handle and stretch my brains out (thats my favourite part) sigh
today i am giving myself a bit of a break.. one day a week to do what i would like eat what i would like... so im having breakfast mmm hash browns...... and bacon!!! yummm!!!!! ill be good and not over do it.. but i think with all my hard work i deserve a little...


tomorrow i go and finally get everything sorted out..
and if you can believe it... tomorrow will be 4 YEARS! for me an Dennis... long time.. still with the problems but we are going to try one last time.
anyways im lying in bed yawning.. arg always tired and in two hours i must go to work.. which is necessary bad just more a chore to say lol.


well breakfast is calling and i really dont know what else to say
ive been hard up for works lately but i hope to get better soon
PEACE!

So today was an epic fail.

I got up early went to school did a little english came home thought ok im still tired (nothing unusual seeing im always tired) took a nap.. woke up at 4PM!!!!!!! had to go to a christmas party where i ate to much and seriously fattening foods.. it was a bad night. so im doing research and seeing what i must do.. tomorrow i will do it again. and hope everyday will work out. litterally lol (stupid joke)
√˙∆µ˜√ç†˙¨ˆ¬≤˜√ç∂œ∑´®†¥¨ˆøπ"…¬˚∆˙©ƒ∂ßåΩ≈ç√∫˜µ≤≥÷ interesting.. i just found these buttons on my computer lol... huh how about that

anyways. tomorrow another easy day i think i will attempt to get up earlish go for a nice run... shower. and see my massage therapist. my shoulders are bad tonight i had a hard time even sitting on the couch.. it wasnt fun

for tonight i will regret the food choices i made and remember where im sitting and why im doing this.. It is important to me... and thats what matters


playing with the settings lol

i didnt do much thinking today which was kinda nice. i need to have a break from the overwhelming feelings.. the ones im not to sure what to do with yet. hopefully ill know at least one day... but insted of trying to figure it out i got up and made myself look beautiful! (i may hate my body but my face is still pretty as ever in my eyes

i went out and was bored out of my mind.. but at least my mind wasnt in "that" place.

so for now i think i will try to get some sleep.. my teeth hurt my head hurts and i can see how much im whinning on here.. even though it helps.
Thanks for listening.. or should i say allowing me to type...

it was the first day!
and i did it... i full 55 minutes! im so proud of me! but i wont lie by the end my one toe hurt ALOT!
then i went and saw new moon! again..
i really need to find me a sexy vampire that doesnt want to kill me because he loves me so much... let me tell you when he asks me to merry him.. i wont hesitate!
i know this will sound silly to most and i know its just a movie.. bu the power it has to make you feel things you either forgotten or didnt even know you felt. its a powerful movie. and makes you wonder........ is there more out there?
or are we all there is?
stories start somewhere..
but where? tomorrow day two.. pain and suffering here i come.. please let the dreams not hurt as much tonight.
its not fun to wake and feel alone

tomorrow is day one of walking 55 minutes!